"Here's my heart, O take and seal it..."

This is a line from one of my favorite hymns of all times, and I hope that this post will do it justice.

But I fear that it will not, for my mind is flowing with all kinds of thoughts...thoughts that I'm not sure I can organize as I type, but maybe you will understand what I'm trying to say or write. Maybe you have felt what I have felt.

This song is one of HOPE for me, and lifts my spirits when I hear it, and the spirit overcomes me!

I was surprised, and happy to hear it sung when I attended Time Out For Women in Orlando. Mercy River sang a beautiful rendition of it, but I have to say that I really love to hear it sung by The Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The emotion that is put into by the choir parrallels that which is in my heart.

I know it sounds strange, but when I hear it, I really feel like this song is speaking to me, and about me. As though it is an autobiography of sorts.

Let me try to explain what I mean. Every time I hear the chorus, it tears at my heart. Perhaps because my imperfect self can relate to it so well. It states:

"Prone to wonder, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;"

This is me. I hate to say it, but it's true. Maybe not in the sense that most would think. When one hears the words "prone to leave the God I love", he might think that I desire to leave the church or turn my back on God. But that's not it. For me, it is the sins that keep me from Him.

You see, everyday, I try to be faithful, I do.
However, I often will find myself....

SLIPPING.
FALLING.
FAILING.

I allow for the natural man to take over. Why? Why am I "prone to wonder, prone to leave the God I love?"

I often feel that I fall short. But this song reminds me of more. It gives me hope..., if I can steal the TOFW 2010 theme, an "Infinite Hope". We all have that infinite hope through Jesus Christ and his infinite atonement.

This hymn so beautifully states that:
"Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood."

On the way home from TOFW, I was talking with the great ladies that I went with (well, actually, I did A LOT of the talking...just ask them if you don't believe me. lol), but I mentioned that I have often said to my husband, "I don't think I can ever make it to the Celestial Kingdom. I fail way too much, and far too often." Then I told these dear ladies that, "I have faith in the atonement, but I just don't think I'm good enough". Sis. Curtis reminded me that the atonement is there for us all, and when we truly have faith in it, we should all be able to see ourselves making it to the Celestial Kingdom.

Then, I had an A-HA moment...I realized that I really didn't have true faith in the atonement. Then I realized, that what I really feared, was that sometimes I don't truly repent. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? To truly repent means to not repeat the sin. Hmmm....I'm working hard on that one, and the above verse reminds me that I don't have to do that alone...nor should I.

The scriptures tell us that Lords hand is stretched out waiting for us to take it...to rescue us. His "streams of mercy, never ceasing". All we have to do is reach up and take it.

So that's what I will do.
Take it.

For I know I can not do it by myself. I need Him. As the song says: "Hither by Thy help I've come; And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,Safely to arrive at home". I am never alone in this journey. He is there, and His atonement will make me whole. If I will trust in it, and use it...I, the one who is "prone to wonder", can make it back home to be with Him. We all can! Isn't that beautiful?

When I think of that song, I think of LOVE! My heart is softened just thinking of it. Perhaps that's why I often find myself humming the tune, or even attempting to sing it. Usually, when doing so, it is at at time that I'm reaching my hand up trying to find His. I'm wanting to feel of His love, and to be more like Him.

One of the speakers at TOFW was Elder Nelson's wife, Wendy. She proposed the question of asking ourselves, in life's trying times, and even those not so trying times, "As a HOLY woman, what would I do?"

She said to try it for 3 days.
I'm on day 10.
I can see a change in myself, and so can my family.
My heart is full, and it's changing!

I love the Lord with all my heart, and because I am not perfect, I will slip. The hymn so beautifully conveys my thoughts: "O to grace how great a debtor, Daily I'm constrained to be!" But through the Atonement "Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee."

Ohhh how I love the words, "bind my wandering heart to thee". A permanent lock! Yes, my heart is full..."here's my heart, O take and seal it; Seal it for Thy courts above".

I want to testify of Him, and His love. To be able to "tune my heart to sing Thy grace". I know that He lives and loves us all. That through Him, and only Him we can be made whole. That He gives us "infinite hope" every day, every minute, every second. I hope for those who have read this you can get some understanding of what I'm trying to say. Maybe you won't because maybe it's just something for me to understand within myself.

so....
"Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I've come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.
by Robert Robinson
Arrangement by:Mack Wilberg